This is a little bit of a longer story....just a warning! Yesterday I had to go visit with a specialist regarding some abnormal blood work. The abnormal blood work isn't anything new or too alarming right now. After Reese was born I was wanting to get on birth control but I was having headaches with loss of vision. Therefore, my doctor wouldn't put me on anything until I saw a neurologist due to the risk of stroke. So, I went to see the neurologist and he was the one who found the abnormal blood work. I then went to see a hematologist who told me I had a borderline blood clotting disorder but she didn't think I needed medication at this time. But she did inform me that I would need to be tested if I got pregnant again just to make sure there weren't any conflicts between development and the baby. So, that's how I ended up at the OB specialist!
I was a little nervous just given the circumstances and thinking that I didn't want to have another preemie that would have to stay in the NICU!
The doctor came in and ask about my first pregnancy and some of the details. I guess I didn't really think through the questions that would be asked at the time of the consultation but in hindsight I should have seen it coming.....it's only normal in the medical world. I did social work for a number of years and during our "assessments" we would ask the same types of questions SO I should have known this was coming!
He then asked about family history. I think this might have been the first time I've been asked this question since dad passed and boy did it seem so surreal! He proceeded to ask about my parents, "Are your parents living?" Wow, for the last 10 years the answer has been, "My dad is"! I was getting to the point were it wasn't as hard to say that.....to acknowledge that he was our only parent. The question asked out loud just seemed too real.....almost like it made it permanent. I know it IS permanent but I think our defensive mechanisms kick in and guard us from the finality of it all. I'm glad of this "mechanism" because I think it allows me to continue on living and dealing with grief day by day rather than flooding me all at one time.
I know this is reality and I know he is so much better off. I know he isn't suffering any longer......as someone put it death is so much harder for the living. The ones who have passed on are where we all want to be!
So I PRAY the Lord blesses someone else through this event or through me....in some way, somehow!
I guess I should also pray for health given my genes....I guess the doctor put it best when he stated the obvious....."Ummm, well, you don't have very good genes!" But God is good and so is His will!
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